Zika Panikova – Will team up with fellow Ukrainian Ivana Jabnow in the women’s doubles, where they intend to cause havoc in the tennis.
Ray N. Forest – American golfer ranked 370 in the world. Favourite for the gold medal.
E.P.O. Putin – Russian 50km walker whose recent world record bettered the marathon world best by ten minutes.
Skinnilatte Venti – Italian long jumper said by some to have his name on a medal.
Favela Kerfu – Unpopular local, but likely to challenge in the shooting events.
Charlie Coker – As usual, he’s likely to feature strongly in the Closing Ceremony.
P.K. Nelson – Rio taxi driver who guarantees the shortest time from city centre to Olympic Stadium, and, maybe, back.
Anna Konda – Big hope in the wrestling, with her famous strangle hold likely to kill off opponents.
Cameron Brexit – Pole vaulter who sensationally cleared a high bar last week, but now looks likely to spend months on the sidelines as his coaches squabble over what comes next for him.
Robin Hoodie – Teenage Brit who aims to take gold in the Archery (and if not, silver – or just cash).